The feelings of sadness and the loss of a dream are still raw.
Knowledge & truth are ever present through His Word, a friend’s encouragement, & past experiences of His provision.
Yet there is a disconnect, a valley, between what I know & what I feel.
Some days the feelings win. Tears flow heavy & my heart grieves.
Other days truth dominates & I find peace & joy trusting His plan.
I know that someday there will be a perfect balance of feeling what I know…but not yet.
So I avoid conversations on the topic, because the feelings are brimming & I am unsure of when the emotion will spill out all over innocent bystanders.
I speak truth first to let others know that I know…He is God. He is good. He plans for me to prosper. My dream may be fulfilled in another form in the future.
But I can’t deny that when I see the very thing I long for, I turn away because of the hurt.
When I think too long of the “nevers” my heart breaks, each time anew.
So I wait patiently on the Lord. I wait for feelings to catch up to knowledge.
In His view of time “…weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” Ps 30:5
I don’t know what you are struggling through right now. If you have a dream that is unfulfilled. A loss. A challenge. My prayer is that you will wait patiently on the Lord with me. That you would have the glimmer of hope that what you know is true and what you feel will soon be a matched set.
**Note: I wrote this post a few days ago and Monday morning I picked up my “Abiding Fruit” study. This week’s fruit is JOY. The scripture we are studying is Psalm 16. These are the words that spoke to my soul and helped my feelings gain ground on knowledge:
“Keep me safe, O God, for in you I take refuge. I said to the Lord, “You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.”
…Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure.
…I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure,
You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.”
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